And you know, maybe that’s the point in the end! Think of all we’d miss out on if our lives went down the only path we knew to see, when we were just starting out. All the side trips, tumbles, confused meandering…well, it is all part of an interesting journey, and we’d never have been able to imagine the details of what we actually end up experiencing. I often wonder how I came to be here, in this spot in my life. It is disorienting sometimes. But most of the time, I’m really glad my life has been more interesting than I imagined for myself.

I have the same mixed feelings about birthdays though. I’m six months older than you.

i try not to get bogged down by the fantasy of a perfect life. sometimes, though, the thoughts just creep in and birthdays seem to be a trigger.

i do have so much to be grateful for, and at the top of that list is always you.

my love to you, sis.

heather, please trust me on this: this doesn’t exist. it’s not the universe conspiring against you. life is not a fairytale. think of how many people are stuck in unhappy marriages, or bogged down with children that they can’t devote enough attention to because they work 10 hours a day, or have jobs that seemed great on paper but aren’t all they are cracked up to be. nothing is ever close to perfect. aiming for perfection will just make it even more difficult to appreciate all of the wonderful things that already exist in our lives. you have so much to be grateful for — so many successes; you are loved by many, you are a unique smart beautiful and interesting person. and you are stronger than you know. please don’t think of this time as a darkness before the dawn — this is your life, and even if its not what you thought you wanted, it’s beautiful in its own way.

this birthday should be a celebration of all of these things; of life’s imperfections and the silly idea that we humans sometimes entertain when we think that what we have is not absolutely precious just as it is.

i love you, and i hope you have a great day today.