finally

honeysuckle

yesterday, as i walked by the river, i was overwhelmed by the fragrance of flowering honeysuckle. the air was thick with their sweet smell and i was immediately reminded of a summer from my childhood spent at the local baseball park. my dad and i would go there in the summer evenings to watch the local teams play and as he sat on the painted wooden bleachers, i would wander down to the fenceline and pick honeysuckle flowers. i loved their sweet smell and their buttery white petals. i spent hours there, surrounded by beauty, amidst the honeysuckle, until my father called me to leave.

this memory came flooding back to me yesterday, carried on the breeze. i could close my eyes and still hear the game playing on in the distance and feel the flowers tucked neatly into my hair.

thousand word thursday

this is the chandelier that lives in my closet.

trick of the light

i spent some time this past weekend on the eastern shore and as i was driving saturday evening, i watched the setting sun fill the sky with brilliant, golden light just before it slipped below the horizon.

it’s a beautiful, saturated light that comes right before dusk, when the sun is low in the sky; the sun’s parting gift.  it makes colours come to life and gives everything a golden, magic hue. it’s the perfect time for taking photos and for walking on the shore and for thinking about the things that matter.  it’s unquestionably my favourite time of day, but i could never quite put the reason into words.

fortunately, i came across someone who could:

“The sun was setting, and all the buildings seemed limned with hazy gold… It’s the kind of light that makes you ache for a reason to be sentimental, because the sun is asking you to remember that last hour of light from every summer day since you were a kid.” (turalura, the palatial quarters)

that’s exactly it.  the golden hour — beautiful beyond words.

fresh start

he wants his move in august to illinois to be a “fresh start,” and so, since things are just beginning for us, he doesn’t think we should continue to see each other.  as much as this was not what i wanted to hear, i understand it completely.

once again, a relationship of mine falls victim to bad timing. i’ve come to realize that it isn’t just a matter of meeting the right person, it’s a matter of meeting the right person at the right time in each person’s life. i have no idea how this seems to work out so easily for other people. i can’t help but fail miserably every time i try. i can’t help but wonder why.

i will admit that, even knowing the ending, i wouldn’t change a thing.

it felt so good to smile again, if only for a little while.

falling slowly

i don’t know you
but i want you
all the more for that

words fall through me
and always fool me
and I can’t react

games that never amount
to more than they’re meant
will play themselves out

take this sinking boat and point it home
we’ve still got time
raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
you’ve made it now

falling slowly, eyes that know me
and i can’t go back
moods that take me and erase me
and i’m painted black

you have suffered enough
and warred with yourself
it’s time that you won

take this sinking boat and point it home
we’ve still got time
raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
you’ve made it now

falling slowly sing your melody
i’ll sing along

(glen hansard & marketa irglova)

thousand word thursday

no, it’s not the city of lights, it’s the las vegas boulevard skyline as seen from the bellagio hotel.

warning sign

everyone said it would be different when i met the ‘right’ person, and it was.  i knew it right away, and i was both terrified and excited by the recognition. 

i haven’t written about him before because i have a terrible history with relationships, and i desperately wanted this one to avoid the same tragic fate.  when it comes to relationships, i’m always waiting for the sky to fall, and, for me, talking about things too early is an invitation for disaster. 

so i tried to do everything right and as crazy as it may sound, it was all rainbows and sunshine for us.  every moment i spent with him made me look forward to the next and everything i learned about him made me want to know more.

until yesterday.

yesterday i learned that he’s moving back to illinois in august.